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DFT to Depressed

Note: The first, pleasant, silly part of this post was written before my doctor’s appointment.  The second, depressed part was written after.

Hot yoga review: I’m kind of up in the air. The instructor was great as far as giving easier and more challenging variations for each pose. The heat was nice and it felt good to work up a sweat for the first time in a few weeks. However, the hip stretching and balance poses were still rough on my injured ankle.  I was also intimidated by how easily the other girls moved in and out of poses. I’d definitely like to try a second class.

Apparently the mango that I bought on sale this weekend was DFT. Jersey Shore anyone?

But really, I’m thinking it means ‘You’re a fool for buying tropical fruit in Pittsburgh.’

No, I’m not a fruit snob. I just can’t pass up a good deal on produce. Usually I stick with apples, bananas, pears, and oranges, but I started buying mangos last summer.  I was baffled as to how to slice them once I heard that they have a huge pit all the way down the middle.  GreenLiteBites to the rescue!  Roni has a great video explaining the process.

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Yeah, not quite a tropical climate. It’s more like March than May around here.

Nonetheless, my breakfast cookie was a combination of flavors from far better and warmer places. I mixed the following together to sit in the fridge overnight:

1/3 cup old-fashioned oats
1 teaspoon melted coconut oil
1/3 mashed banana
1/2 scoop protein powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon coconut flakes
1 tablespoon soy milk

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Why is it that the most delicious fruits require the most work? Pineapples, mangos, kiwis…

Can you even see the cookie under there?

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Tropical breakfast cookie sundae anyone?

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Approximate nutrition: 315 calories, 6g fat, 36 g carbs, 21 g protein

I enjoyed this treat before heading to my orthopedic appointment this morning.  I was 5 minutes late and the receptionist let 3 people (with later appointments) go in ahead of me.  Seriously?

I finally saw a PA at 9:30 (my appointment was for 8:45).  He pressed on different parts of my foot, ankle, and shin, and decided that I had inflamed the peroneal tendons.  The physician came in next and thought since I had equal pain in the ankle bone itself, it may be a fracture or a completely torn tendon. 

He gave me the option of having an MRI done but said that either way I’d be in a boot up to my knee.  It looks like this (but black, and my legs aren’t hairy!):

He said I should wear it all day, every day.  For the next 4-6 weeks.  I burst into tears.

I haven’t worked out since I hurt my ankle running on April 9th.  The thought of not doing anything for another month and a half makes me seriously depressed. 

I walk to my office from the bus stop and back.  That’s about 3/4 of a mile.  That takes me 10 minutes now (in pain).  It would take 25 in this boot. 

I told the nurse who came to fit me with it that I won’t wear it.

I took it home with me.  I’m scared to see how much it will cost me out-of-pocket once my insurance company rejects it since I only have the cheapest possible plan.  I will wear it at home, but I’m not wearing it to work.  I just can’t.  I can’t wear dress pants with it.  I can’t wear normal shoes.

I can’t wear heels, no matter what.  They hurt too much.

I’m getting married in less than 4 months.  I used to work out for an hour a day, 6 days a week.  Now I can’t work out at all.

I bought a size 2 wedding dress.

I’m scared I won’t be able to fit into it.

I bought $175 Stuart Weitzman wedding shoes.  That I can’t even stand in right now.

Do you know how stressful people say planning a wedding can be?  Multiply that times ten.  And think of your favorite (and only) way to relieve stress, and then think about not being able to do it.

At all.

I’ve never been so discouraged.

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29 responses to “DFT to Depressed

  1. pawsitivelife May 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Its still a long time till you get married. Besides I read over and over agin that the key to wieght loss is diet and not so much exercise. So if you watch it you should be fine. Really. There are alternatives to many hot yoga poses I would make a point of talking to the instructor prior to the class and explaining your injury

  2. loftyappetite May 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Hot yoga def takes a few tries to get into. The heat really helps you become more flexible, I am stiff as a log and only took a few classes to be able to keep up with the better classmates. Don’t be discouraged!! You still have 4 months, and wearing this for the next 6 weeks or so could help heal a torn tendon. And I agree with pawsitivelife, excersize is only a part of weightloss, as long as you are still moving in any way you can (walks, or even free weights) eating healthy is the biggest part of it. You are small so you don’t have to even worry about it! I know someone who lost an obscene amount of weight and the only lifestyle change she made was going on a walk every evening with her husband and cooking at home! It’s amazing. Keep your head up and stay positive!

    • Claire @ Live & Love to Eat May 4, 2011 at 6:22 pm

      I’m so jealous of people who can walk normally – that’s one of the more painful activities for me, and something I won’t be doing much of. I appreciate your encouragement and I know that it all comes down to food (I tell people that every single day), but I also know my lack of willpower is a barrier for me. We shall see!

  3. Shanna, like Banana May 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Awww boo. I can imagine what a pain this all is right now, but this is for the greater good. By fixing your leg now, you will have less problems in the future and get to truly enjoy your wedding day. You WILL fit in your dress and they can do wonders everywhich way to make that happen. Have no fear. In the meantime embrace things like Pilates 😉

  4. hungryhealthyhappy May 4, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Oh my goodness, doll. I can certainly see why you are bummed! Glad my video cheered you a little. 🙂

    Take a deep breath–it WILL be ok. There is plenty of time until your wedding and you are going to rock that dress and those shoes with a healthy foot! Just like Shanna said, you need to take care of this now so you can be healthy later! Don’t give up on the yoga–and don’t be intimidated by those other yogis! And go for pilates, or even try an exercise bike??? Ice, put your foot up, and rest. This too shall pass. XOXO

  5. indecisiveathlete May 4, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Hot yoga is so good I hope you give it another go!
    I have really bad ankles too and balancing poses suck but each time I’ve had to go thru PT now (3 times and counting) they always have me do balancing poses to help strengthen my tendons. I’ve had tendinitis in pretty much every tendon in my left ankle and have had a stress fracture in my right ankle. The first time I had it in my left ankle I was told that my tendons were starting to pull away from the bone (if this is possible?) but it was so bad I couldn’t even swim for 3 months because of the pain (I was a competitive swimmer so this was bad). This past fall I had severe achilles tendinitis in the same ankle. I thought I’d torn it because it was so swollen tho. I was diagnosed with this 3 weeks before I was supposed to run my marathon and also put in an ugly boot. I know the boot sucks but I promise it helps it heel SO much fast because it can’t move around. I feel your pain and teared up when I read that it really is the suckiest news to someone that is so active. I hope that you heel quickly. maybe try riding the stationary bike with the boot on? I did this and got funny looks but it kept me from going insane from not working out and also maybe try water running. Its not the same as pounding pavement but its nice.

  6. Jenny May 4, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    I can’t even imagine what you’re going through but everything happens for a reason, you need your leg to heal. You’re going to fit into the dress and everything will workout. Just try to have a more peaceful mindset and try to stay positive 🙂

  7. char May 4, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Just so you know, I would have burst into tears, too. My husband broke his wrist the day before he started his new job…as a golf professional lol. There’s always going to be crappy situations, and I know yours will work out for the best. Just do what you can! Try to ignore the girls at yoga that are quick to their poses…or do some at home where you don’t have to worry about stupid poses and who’s around! I wish you all the best, and you’re gonna rock that wedding dress!!!

  8. allieksmith May 4, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I agree about this Pittsburgh weather. What is with today?! So much rainnn.

    I am really, REALLY sorry about your situation. You seem like such a healthy person and a healthy eater so I think you will be fine to fit into your wedding dress, I just suppose that you are suffering mentally.

    I suggest trying to find fun things that you like to relieve stress 🙂

    Hang in there! I will be praying for you to heal and not be stressed out !

  9. Amanda May 4, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Hi…I just found your site, and even though I am a total stranger I would hug you right now if I could. I’m getting married in September (in Pittsburgh too!), and I can’t even imagine what I would do in your shoes. Or boot. Or…well, you know what I mean.

    I think just wearing the boot at home, wearing supportive shoes any other time (yes, they may be ugly but they’ll help), will go a long way in helping.
    Good luck!!

    • Claire @ Live & Love to Eat May 4, 2011 at 7:35 pm

      I appreciate the encouragement!

      Did you get 9/10/11 for your date? That’s what we wanted but had to go with 9/3 instead. Where are you getting married? So excited! 🙂

      • Amanda May 5, 2011 at 12:40 pm

        We are 9/17! We really wanted an October wedding, but didn’t for various reasons. We’re getting married on the Gateway Clipper, you? I can’t freakin’ wait! 😀

  10. Jess (In My Healthy Opinion) May 4, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Aww, I’m so sorry, girl. That’s seriously frustrating, and I know I’d be really upset too. You eat really well though, so I guarantee your dress will fit beautifully. 🙂 As far as the stress release goes, I know that’s tough without working out. Maybe a good massage would help ease the pain? It always helps me just a little bit! Hope you feel better soon.

  11. Holly at Greek Yogurt and Apple Slices May 4, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Aww, Claire..this a really rough time. I’m so sorry to hear about all of this 😦
    I hope it will only be 4-6 weeks- that’s totally manageable right?! I mean, you have 4 months to prep for all of this…& YOU CAN DO IT!
    If wearing the boot makes you heal faster, don’t you think you should give it a try?? I know it’s going to SUCK..but maybe you can get some sympathy from your co-workers..? 😉
    Play that sympathy card, girl!! Can you wear dresses or skirts to work? I know the boot is not the most attractive thing, BUT you do want to wear those Stuart Weitzman’s don’t you??
    I know, it’s hard to think of the positives right now, but just remember, what goes down MUST go up! Hang in there! xoxo

    • Claire @ Live & Love to Eat May 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

      As much as I like the sympathy idea, I’m no good at being the center of attention. And my level of frustration pretty much brings me to tears to talk about it at all. We’ll see.

      Thanks for the kind words. I really really really hope it’s better after the 4-6 weeks.

  12. Colleen @ The Lunchbox Diaries May 4, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Oh, no! That’s horrible news 😦 Even though you think it’s ugly and gross and bulky, you should try to wear it as much as possible so you can get better as quickly as possible 🙂 You know that I’m planning a wedding too, and I can’t imagine how I would feel if I couldn’t relieve my stress by working out. Have you tried swimming?? That’s an awesome form of exercise. Or pilates or yoga? And you know this as well as anyone, that as long as you’re keeping your calories in check (I only say thing because you’re not working out) you’ll have no problem fitting into your wedding dress. You’re going to be beautiful! Keep your chin up, pretty girl! I know it’s hard, but things WILL be just fine 🙂

  13. beyondbananas May 5, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Wow – what overwhelming news. It is still new and fresh to you right now – so I am sure it feels kind of hard to breath – hard to really take everything in. Just take a minute though. There is still quite a but of time until you get married.
    Not being able to exercise isn’t going to sabotage your entire healthy lifestyle. You live a balanced life – and now, your body just needs some time. If you give your ankle what it needs to heal – then you will be back out there before you know it. It is better to be out of commission for a short period of time. then a much longer period.

  14. Annette @EnjoyYourHealthyLife May 5, 2011 at 12:46 am

    OH my! I am SO sorry to hear 😦 But, things always work out–they really do! Maybe you just need some relaxation instead of extra stress of workouts and everything you think you need to do?

    My prayers are with you!!!!

  15. Jen @ keepitsimplefoods May 5, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Oh noooo! This is a stinky situation and trust me I feel your pain. I’m getting married in October and I understand how stressful wedding planning is. So, it sounds like you need to switch things up a bit. You can do it! Your health is most important so wear that boot no question(and that way you’ll be able to wear those snazzy shoes on your big day)! If you can’t run and workout like you normally do, how about swimming? It’s no impact and will get you in great shape! Also, just try to eat healthy and you’ll be fine! Best wishes!

  16. Claire @ livingspreethegoodlife May 5, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    OMG, hun I know you can pull through! I’m sure you don’t have to worry about not fitting into your wedding dress (you may actually eat less and more healthy when you aren’t pushing your body everyday…I know that’s the case with me), but I know the endorphins we get from exercise are necessary for our sanity! Did you ask your doctor if you can do water jogging? It burns just as many calories as a spin class/hour and is completely no-impact. Plus, it will help you keep some of your endurance for when you return to exercise. Deena Kastor did this when she fractured a bone in her foot and she returned an even stronger runner! Sending positive thoughts your way!

  17. brookeyool May 15, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Hey, I’m a total stranger as well, and just found this blog, but I wanted to second Indecisive’s idea about stationary biking in the boot (you may need to adjust the seat differently to accomodate it, but I’m sure it can work!) And hey–use this as a chance to really do a lot of upper body weights, so you can show off those hot shoulders during the summer and in your wedding dress! 🙂

    I also want to commiserate. I’ve been off of running for over a year, and haven’t been able to work out “to my full potential” since then, as well. I’m a… former (?) fitness and Pilates instructor who was injured on the job, compounded by congenital issues. Hip surgery #1, April 2010. Poor follow-up and rehab (I should’ve spoken up more when my gut told me they weren’t doing the right thing). Hip surgery #2, Feb 2011. I haven’t begun official rehab (caught in workers’ comp red tape) but using my training and Pilates knowledge to do it on my own. I’m finally able to take a few steps on my own without a crutch, occasionally. It’s been hugely frustrating, but I’m SO hopeful that I’ll someday be able to see my gym regulars who used to come to my classes.

    Enough about me, since I’m not planning a wedding, nor do I have a deadline (other than getting back to LIFE). Just sayin’ that if you take care of your pain now (which didn’t happen after my first surgery), hopefully you can avoid more serious complications… please learn my lesson!

    • Claire @ Live & Love to Eat May 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm

      I really appreciate your advice and commiseration (is that a word?). It is so hard to go from being extremely active to barely being able to walk – but I’m also giving my body a break, which is good. I’m just trying to deal with the boot in hopes that I will heal quickly. Thanks again for sharing your story!

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